Paper Moon

When I’m not in my car talking to myself I listen to podcasts. If I’m ever online and see a book, podcast, movie, whatever, that looks interesting I take a screenshot and put it into my “Watch Read or Listen” photo album. I create albums for many things:

• Wanna Purchase – self explanatory

• AP – for when I stumble upon a 3-card Caribbean Stud game and need strategy

• Sleeping – pictures of me sleeping

My go-to when I need to relax is to organize my emails or the photos on my phone.

We must find solace where we can find solace.

In the appropriate album I found a screenshot of a People Who Read People podcast episode with a woman who calls herself, “The People Hacker.” The details billed her as an expert in social engineering who provides “infiltration services.” Interesting enough, so I gave it a listen.

And oh boy did I listen. This woman gets paid to physically break into places. Her job is to outwit the human element between her and a building, or an office, or a property. No fancy cyber hacking. Oh no. Straight up, old school, hustling her way into places. And she has a British accent!

I was so into this woman and her stories that I sent her an email that night asking her to be my friend. It went something like, “Hi, you’re awesome. I’ve never wanted any other job than my own but I want yours. I’ll work for free. Can I hang out with you? I’m really cool. Thanks.”

I’ve been training my whole life for this opportunity. Surely a passionate email like that would convince this woman that I was the right person to join her crew, even if she wasn’t hiring.

We all know what happened next. The People Hacker got in touch with me straight away and said she’s been looking for someone just like me; a self-described really cool stranger who will work for free.

And so this post serves as my retirement announcement. I’m done with gambling. I’m moving across the pond to become an infiltration specialist. I’ll probably live in the countryside, read fiction, possibly get some sheep. I’ll own a collection of sweaters that you can’t buy in the states.

Ok, ok, ok. Do any of you believe this? That I would leave my glamorous life for a couple of sheep? I would, but the story didn’t exactly go like that. I did listen to the podcast and I did email the People Hacker and ask her to be my friend, and also that I wanted her job and also that I’m really cool. AND SHE DID WRITE ME BACK! But she didn’t offer me a job, yet. We really clicked and ended up chatting over Skype, where I drank tea as a way to let her know I’m all in for England, and you guys, it was surreal. I have more in common off the bat with this woman than any other woman I’ve ever met, gamblers included. I could have talked to her for hours, and not just because I’m getting tired of talking to myself. No. We’ve both been hustling, in our own ways, for a long time and a lot of our life experiences are the same because of it.

Maybe when Covid passes, or whatever is going to happen, I’ll fly to England with my collection of retired casino wigs and hustle the People Hacker into letting me hustle with her.